Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I Cook Like Betty Crocker and I Look Like Donna Reed, Again

The scene: a classic 1950's kitchen. LINDA is puttering around happily, dusting the tops of the cabinets, when BOB rushes in, flustered.

BOB: Linda! It's an emergency! Mr. Willard is coming for dinner!
LINDA: Mr. Willard? Your boss?
BOB: He'll be here in FIFTEEN MINUTES!
LINDA: Oh no!
BOB: This is our big chance to impress him. If the house doesn't smell like fresh-out-of-the-oven baked goods, I might not get that promotion I've been working for!
LINDA: Well, that just won't do! But what could I possibly make in just fifteen minutes?...(to the camera) WAIT! I know! (She runs over to the freezer and pulls out biscuits wrapped in cellophane; as she speaks, she unwraps them, puts them on a baking sheet and sticks them in the oven) It's a good thing I made these delicious buttermilk biscuits in advance! Why, when all I have to do is work the cold butter into the dry ingredients with my hands and then stir in the buttermilk with a fork, these didn't take more than 10 minutes to make anyhow! They're delicious - flaky, buttery, everything a biscuit should be! And since I can leave them in the freezer and then take them out without defrosting them, they're ready to be baked...any time! (She takes the biscuits out of the oven and into the dining room, where the family and MR. WILLARD sit around a beautifully set table.)
MR. WILLARD: This looks like a delicious spread! And I just love these fresh-baked biscuits! Mmm mmm!
SANDY: Yeah, Mom, they sure are swell!
BOBBY: Jeepers!
MR. WILLARD: Jeepers indeed, little Bobby. You know, Bob, you have such a nice family and such a nice home...I think you deserve that promotion!
BOB: Thanks, Mr. Willard!
LINDA: Dorie Greenspan's buttermilk biscuits are my little secret. Them and the dismembered body parts hidden under the floorboards! (She winks cheekily at the camera. End scene)

What do you guys think, do I have a career in advertising or what? You can find the recipe here!

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